


Fake it 'til you make it

by silveronthetree



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 19:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5468531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silveronthetree/pseuds/silveronthetree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times people thought that Shitty and Lardo were "dating" and one time they really were. </p>
<p>or</p>
<p>The one where they accidentally start to fake date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fake it 'til you make it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notquiteaghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notquiteaghost/gifts).



**One**

Lardo's room was as messy as ever. Art supplies, clothes and books were scattered on every surface. Shitty had to move a crumpled pile of Samwell Hockey t-shirts and a leaking bag of orange feathers before he could sit on her bed.

"I can't believe you've actually grown it." Lardo said, leaning over and running her hands through his flow and tugging at the ends. He tried not to shiver. Hair had been the first thing they'd bonded over. He'd been smoking up at a random party and this cool girl had kept stroking his hair and repeating over and over how much she wanted short hair like his but her mom would kill her. He'd confided that he'd always wanted hockey flow but he'd been dragged for a haircut every time he saw any of his dad's side of the family.

They'd joked about it the next few times they'd bumped into each other, expressing mock surprise that neither had changed. 

"Dude, we had a deal and I don't back out of that shit. You get the chop, I grow the flow. The 'tache was just a bonus." It had taken the half-serious deal they'd made before she'd left for Kenya for her to actually get the chop and for him to leave his playoff flow untouched.

Lardo got the family thing and how fucking hard it was. Hair was a nothing compared to an Art major or a double major including Women's Gender and Sexuality and they'd learned to pick their battles. It was a theme with his friends. Bitty and Jack got it too, admittedly Jack's shit was a whole other level, but it was a big part of the reason they were his friends.

"It looks 'swawesome." She rubbed his head. "You've been taking care of it. Still using the good conditioner?"

"Yep. It makes it all floaty." He'd never really bothered before, but he took so many showers after team stuff, it got pretty rank.

"Nice." She leaned forward to squint at the ends of his hair and she was so close he could smell her, all lemony, Lardo-y and comforting. "The ends just need a trim, I think. The tiniest trim. Want me to do it now?"

Shitty nodded. She'd made him swear not to get it cut but it was getting tangled. "Yeah, I've got a couple of hours till my next class."

"Great. Go wash your hair and I'll find my scissors."

Lardo's sink was tiny and there was no way he was going to get his head under the faucet. "S'okay if I use the shower?"

"Yeah, duh. That's the only clean towel, though."

Shitty emerged from the shower a few minutes later with dripping hair and quickly towelled himself dry. Why dress when everything would get covered in hair.

"Sit," Lardo pushed him towards the bed. She didn't blink at his nakedness, she was used to that by now. He dumped the towel on his lap for safety.

Lardo started combing his hair and humming as she worked. She tilted his head this way and that with her free hand and said, "Y'know, layers would make this flow look really sick."

"Fuck yeah. Jagr'll have nothing on me." Shitty liked the way she stuck her tongue out as she concentrated and the feel of her hands in his hair was making him hard. He was glad the towel was in his lap because he didn't need that extra awkwardness. He was Lardo's bro. There was no room for awkward boners.

The crash of the door opening made them both jerk their heads to the right. Lardo's friend Lara was standing there, eyes wide. "Whoa, naked," she said, eyes boring into the area where Shitty's bare butt was sinking into the duvet. He tried not to shrink under her gaze but his boner did that for him.

"What now?" Lardo said impatiently.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt you breaking your dry spell." She turned abruptly and slammed the door behind them with a crash.

Lardo turned back to Shitty with a sigh. "Ugh. So dramatic. Now where were we?" and she picked up the scissors.

* * *

**Two**

"Why the fuck did I decide to share with the printmaking kids?" Lardo slammed her book bag onto Shitty's table.

He just managed to rescue his latte before it went flying. "Lara again?" he asked.

"And Claire. How is she always so horny?" Lardo complained. 

Claire's rampant horniness had been a big part of Lardo coming out as bi to him in her freshman year, after Claire and Lardo had broken up. So Shitty was pretty familiar with the basic story.

"Why the fuck would someone keep hooking up with their roommate in the first place? It's either them fucking at all hours, or one of them sexiling the other, or fighting about it." Lardo took the coffee he proffered and downed half of it in a gulp. Luckily he'd been waiting long enough for it to cool. "It's all so fucking loud, Shits. Like, what the hell? I don't need the reminder that I haven't got any in forever, 'cause I wish they'd have to listen to me sometimes instead."

Shitty winked. "Well if you ever need help with that so to speak, it is on record that I'm the bomb at fake sex noises. Emma Stone in Easy A has nothing on me." 

Lardo laughed. Her mood of seconds ago vanishing. "I don't even want to know how you know that. But I may actually take you up on it."

"Anytime. But seriously dude, you know you can always crash at the Haus."

"I know but it's the other side of the campus and I should be able to sleep in my own room. I can't believe I'm considering staying there for senior year."

"You'll work something out," he said. He might even have an idea about that. 

* * *

Shitty could fall over any second. Posing for a painting was a fucking endurance exercise. Worse than skating suicides, maybe, and he didn't think that was possible. Lardo was great but he was seriously starting to regret helping her with this one.

Lardo's Junior Art show was in a few days. Things had been going fine until she'd scrapped two pieces at the last minute. Every moment that hadn't been full of class or hockey had been spent doing art. It was intense. Shitty watched Lardo concentrating on the painting, and tried to stay in position. He could hear people walking along the corridor and as they got nearer he tried to make out what they were saying. It was mostly just giggling and he was pretty sure they sounded like they were kissing. A door slamming close by was all he needed to startle and overbalance. He dropped the frisbee he was holding and crashed into Lardo. She yelped as she took all of his weight. Her paintbrush hit floor, spattering paint everywhere.

Thank fuck he'd missed the painting. He could feel the paint all over his bare back and legs and groaned.

Neither of them moved. 

"Nooooo. Not now." Lardo said dropping her forehead onto his chest. "I've got to finish this by the morning so it can dry in time. They'll be fucking all night. I just can't deal with this." 

"I'm sure it won’t be that bad?" he said. He slept through the aftermath of dozens of kegsters and nights out in the Haus. How bad could two, admittedly horny, girls be? He flexed the arm that was tucked against her side and she wriggled. He moved it again and she giggled a little, and then he knew a sure-fire way to cheer her up. Tickle time! Shitty went for it. He knew a few places where Lardo was ticklish and was determined to find more. Lardo gave as good as she got and discovered that Shitty was ticklish behind his knees.

Someone banged on the wall. "Keep the sex noise down you fucking hypocrite."

"Ugh, asshole." Lardo emerged from her attempt at hiding from his tickling skills, hair everywhere and breathless, looking indignant. He wasn't sure who that was directed to. "Why is everyone determined to distract me."

She opened her mouth again, clearly about to yell a denial and Shitty had an idea, he swiftly stuffed his hand over her mouth. He wasn't very accurate and squished her nose, but she shut up anyway.

Then Shitty moaned. Loudly.

Lardo's eyes narrowed above his hand and he moaned again.

Her head jerked up and he could feel her smile beneath his hand. She'd remembered their conversation. She let out a soft gasp. It was pretty muffled because of the hand but her eyes met Shitty's and he knew she'd got his plan and it was definitely time to remove his hand before she bit it. 

He panted hard. Lardo groaned and got up and leapt on the bed. The headboard banged against the wall. He joined her, flinging himself across the pillow. They bounced and rocked the bed, the noises got sillier and louder until Shitty could barely stifle his laughter. It didn't matter, he thought it gave the noises a more realistic edge. He wasn't thinking about the fact that he was practically squished against Lardo with every new bounce. Her hair did smell good, all citrusy and not quite the same as his had after she'd cut his hair.

Lardo grabbed his arm and twirled her other hand in the universal symbol for winding things up. He increased the frequency of the gasps and the bounces and she matched him. She caught his eye and then let out one soft sigh. He was pressed right against her and it went straight to his dick. Shitty froze. Lardo flopped down on the bed. He was so distracted that he almost forgot to keep moaning until she punched his arm and he let out an unintentional strangled sound and stopped.

Eventually there was another slammed door and Lardo collapsed in a fit of giggles, he hadn't seen her grinning that hard for weeks.

Result.

Shitty willed his boner to calm down and stood up and picked up his Frisbee. "Ready to do some more art?"

* * *

Getting a beer at a frat party should not be this hard. He shuffled along, squashed together with Lardo and Bitty as they tried to make their way through the crowded kitchen to the keg. They were nearly there when one of Lardo's friends, maybe Keri or Kara or something, accosted her and said, "You could've said that you finally hooked up."

"Uh, hey Kira," Lardo said. "Uh, what?" She tried to lean out of the way of Kira's grabbing hands.

"I had to like, find out from Lara. She said that you guys were super loud. You owe me the deets."

"Uh…" Lardo hesitated, looking wildly back in his direction.

Kira followed Lardo's gaze and when she took in Shitty, backed off. She was obviously trying to whisper when she said, "Later then. But it's so awesome, Lar. 'Swawesome. You need good things, babe."

It was too much to hope that Bitty hadn't heard. He looked back, Bitty's eyes were big. 

"You're dating?" he asked Shitty. "That's wonderful, I thought you liked her."

Shit, Kira was still in earshot. "Uh, not exactly dating," Shitty whispered. He really didn't want to lie to Bitty.

"Noooo." Bitty's face fell. "What happened? I thought you'd be perfect together."

Shitty looked up again but thankfully Kira had gone. He could tell Bitty what really happened.

* * *

**Three**

Shitty didn't actually hate his dad's parents. In fact he was pretty sure he sort of loved them. The big problem was that he didn't like them at all. He'd been dreading graduation for months. It was bad enough that it would be the first time his mom and dad had been in one place since the divorce but his grandparents were coming too. Fucking shitshow.

So far it hadn't been too bad. The news that he'd accepted a place at Harvard Law School had somehow spread around the family a few weeks before, which had made practically everyone happy. Plus Jack had been there with his parents and no-one could resist being charmed by Alicia Zimmermann and even his grandfather was somewhat impressed by Stanley Cup winner, Bad Bob Zimmermann. No one had mentioned his hair, the fact he was the first Knight in years not to major in Economics, or compared Samwell unfavourably to Harvard for three whole hours. 

But now Jack had abandoned him because of some bullshit dinner reservations and he was facing a meal with the entirety of his family, including cousin Gloria, with no escape. He just couldn't be chill about this. He was showing the family the outside practice rink when Lardo and Bitty walked past. Lardo with her ever present clipboard and Bitty carrying a pile of old equipment.

"Hey, Shi… Uh, Mr Cr…, Uh Knight," Bitty asked. "How does it feel to be a graduate?"

"Congrats, bro." Lardo hugged him, the clipboard bumping his back. "Does it feel any different?"

Shitty held on tight to her. It didn't feel any different. He had a piece of paper and a whole lot of accolades but things hadn't really changed.

Mom saw her. "Larissa dear, how are you? You're looking well. Not graduating today?" Lardo had visited Cambridge when he was staying with his mom a few times and they got one pretty well, but neither she nor Bitty had met the rest of his family. 

"Uh no, I'm just a sophomore."

"Well you'll have to come and visit in the summer. I know my boy will miss you," Mom said, giving Shitty a quick squeeze.

"Course she will," he said. "This is my family." He waved at the group chatting behind him.

His grandmother obviously heard him. "Are you going to introduce your friends?"

"These are some of my hockey friends, Eric Bitson's on the team and Larissa Duan manages the team brilliantly."

"A pleasure," Grandmother said. She looked them both over, ignoring Bitty's offered hand. She turned back to Shitty. "I was just saying to your father that I'll have to introduce you to Charlotte's granddaughter Mackenzie. She's just about to start a Masters program at Harvard." She looked at his dad, "Do you remember? They used to play together at the Cape. Such a lovely girl. You should take her out for dinner next semester."

Not this again. He didn't remember Mackenzie but he suspected that he'd dislike her just as much as all the other granddaughters of her friends that she'd shoved at him. He bit his tongue.

Lardo had flushed at his grandmother's comments but she met his eye and gave him a sympathetic smile. 

"Well?" his grandmother said.

Lardo looked between them and cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow. They were getting pretty practiced at this so it didn't take more than a fraction of a second to work out what she meant. 

"I don't think that would be fair to Larissa," he said firmly. Lardo pressed herself to his side. She was so warm. She smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. She was a goddamn beauty of a person. 

His grandmother huffed, but his mom looked delighted. Bitty mostly looked thoughtful.

"Sweetheart, you should have told me," his mom said to him. "Larissa, you must come to dinner with us."

Shitty supressed his wince and Lardo flushed and looked at him, a question in her eyes. "Um."

He nodded and she accepted politely. This had the potential to turn into a total shitshow.

* * *

At the end of the evening they dropped Lardo off at her building. Dinner had been about as awkward as he'd expected. Mom and Dad and his cousins were fine but Grandmother had almost ignored her and Grandfather had turned up the patronising to eleven. Lardo, who could talk to anyone and had stood up to opposing coaches, had looked cowed. 

"Thanks for coming," Shitty said as he hugged her goodbye. "I am so fucking sorry about this. You were awesome."

"So aren't you going to kiss her goodbye?" his cousin Gloria shouted from the car.

"Uh, sorry. We don't have to." Shitty whispered.

She smiled and instead of answering leaned in for a kiss. It was pretty chaste, barely more than a peck, but her lips were soft and tasted of the chocolate mousse from dinner. 

Shitty felt like he was seeing stars. "Thank you." He wanted to convey so much with that, the kiss, helping him stand up to his grandmother and for sitting through that dinner. He smiled stupidly after her as she walked up the stairs.

When Gloria showed him the photo she taken of the kiss later, he was only half convinced that the flash was responsible for those stars.

* * *

**Four**

It was always the weirdest experience going back. Nothing was ever the same once you'd left. That hit him once again as he pulled open the door to the Haus late in the winter semester of his first year away. 

The first thing he saw was the massive new mural covering the wall behind the couch. It was vibrant and intense and dominated the room. He'd known it was there, Lardo had snapchatted sections as she'd worked on it but it wasn't the same as seeing it. No one had captured a picture of the whole thing, Chowder was apparently trying to recreate it with the aid of the panorama function in Photoshop but as no one had a good camera now Jack was gone, it was futile.

It almost took his breath away. There weren't any complete figures there but he could see familiar glimpses of people he knew and somehow it felt like Samwell hockey. Looking at it he could almost feel the rush of playing and the feeling of team. How had Lardo done it?

The weirdest thing, though, was that he'd never seen an empty couch before on a practice free Thursday evening but he could hear crashing and voices from the kitchen. 

He followed the noise to the kitchen and that was where he found everyone. Lardo, Bitty, Chowder, Ransom, Holster, Nursey and Dex were all there with a few new frogs but that was about all that had changed. It still smelt deliciously of pie. Strawberry cream pie, today if Shitty still trusted his nose. 

"Yo, fuckers! How's Samwell?" he hollered. Within seconds he was enfolded in a mass of hugs and backslaps and within minutes he was sitting at the table with a slice of his favourite pie and a fork and Lardo was grinning at him.

* * *

He'd come back for a party, Lardo had specifically requested help with the tubjuice. They'd made an epic batch and people had kept coming back for more. Most of it was gone now and he was chilling on the roof with a beer, Lardo and Nursey had been there until a few minutes ago but some lax player had challenged them to a flip cup rematch and they'd left. Shitty couldn't be bothered to move, and sat there enjoying the sounds of the party wash around him. 

One of the new frogs poked his head through the window and when he saw Shitty, climbed out. He'd seen him before, the permanently cocky grin was familiar from Bitty's Instagram. (Lardo's was mostly abstract pictures of random body parts), but he didn't know his name. The grin was missing now, replaced by a fierce glare.

"You must be the boyfriend."

Shitty blinked. What?

"If she was my girl, I'd actually try to see her once in a while."

"Whoa, what the fuck?" Shitty said. Where was this coming from? He wasn't dating anyone. He hooked up a few times at parties recently but it wasn't like anything would compare. And he didn't like the possessive tone. That was not cool. Even to Shitty's non-existent girlfriend.

"Larissa" The boy's voice caressed her name and Shitty wanted to puke. It's like, he got it, because Lardo was the best and fuck knows he'd been hung up on her for ages but Larissa? Really? No one here called her that, well Bitty sometimes, but he was just southern. The kid continued, "She thinks you're awesome and you treat her like shit." 

Shitty wanted to explain that he'd never do that to Lardo, if he was actually dating her and in fact she'd never stand for that shit happening to her, but they totally had a fake dating precedent, and there was probably a fucking good reason that Lardo had let this kid keep on thinking that. Who knew how much hassle this kid had been giving Lardo? He just got up and left. 

He found Lardo a few minutes later, still playing flip cup against most of the lax team and draped himself over her shoulder. "You're the best."

"I know." She smiled at him, distractedly, her gaze was focussed on Nursey's hands as he waited for the signal to start playing.

That frog might be wrong about many things but he wasn't wrong that Shitty hadn't seen enough of Lardo lately. "Hey you should come to Boston before Jack's game. We can hang out for a bit." 

"'Swawesome!" Lardo said, then tipped her beer down her throat and then flipped her cup, winning the game. 

* * *

**Five**

"Dude, d'you have a spare tie. I've got a mixer in ten and I can't find any of mine." Brent barged into Shitty's room without knocking. It wasn't the first time his roommate had done that, but usually Shitty didn't have company. He was stretched out on his bed, watching a game with Lardo. 

"Whoa, man. I didn't mean to interrupt." He backed out of the room with his hands dramatically in front of his eyes. "Sorry, Shitty. Sorry Shitty's girl. Uh, nice to meet you. I'll go without a tie. I'm cool enough to pull it off."

Lardo snorted. They weren't even sitting that close. Admittedly Shitty was naked but that was his usual state, but Brent was gone before Shitty could protest. Or offer a tie, he had too many of the damn things.

"Wasn't he at Andover with you?" Lardo asked. "How has he not got used to naked Shitty yet?"

"This apartment is mostly freezing. Also I didn't do it so much at school."

"That's surprisingly practical." Lardo quipped. "This is getting to be a theme, isn't it? Do any of our friends knock?"

"Nope. The thing I don't get is why everyone assumes we're fucking just because I'm naked in a room with you. No one ever thought that with Jack and we're friends too so it's just as likely. I thought they knew better."

Lardo shrugged. "I'm used to it, I guess. But it's probably more to do with the fact that my friends had a pretty good idea of how I felt about you." Lardo said. 

"I – what?" Shitty blinked. Things started moving very slowly. "Felt, how? But I'm the one who has feelings?"

It was a bit like the final few seconds of a game when you were one goal up and anything could happen. Shitty stared at Lardo, and Lardo stared back. Then Lardo jumped at him. It was like the best tackle hug ever, except that Shitty was very naked and Lardo was trying to kiss him. Really kiss him!

For a second he panicked. Shit, she's going to know how much I want her, but she was kissing him so that was probably a good thing and he should probably kiss back. It was more than 'swawesome. He never wanted to let her go.

* * *

**Six**

It was weird to think that one of his best friends had made the show. It was Jack's first Falconers game against the Bruins, so everyone from Samwell had come up to Boston. It was possibly the coolest thing ever. Shitty didn't have the best memories of the last time they'd been at the TD Garden but this was going to be great. 

"C'mon we're supposed to pick up tickets at the front desk." Lardo said. They worked their way through the crowds when Shitty was grabbed from behind. He lost his grip on Lardo's hand as the crowd swirled.

"Bro! You made it." Ransom grinned at him and Shitty spotted Holster and Bitty behind him. "Is Lardo with you?"

"Yeah, how do you think got here right on fucking time?" Shitty turned to where Lardo had been. "Uh, she was, like a minute ago." He stood on his toes to look over everyone's head. "This crowd, man."

"She's staying with you, right? Said something about you needing a haircut. She was right."

Shitty laughed. "Yeah," he tugged at his hair. "It's getting fucking long. She'll probably be heading to the front desk. We should follow."

* * *

"I'm so excited!" Bitty was practically dancing in his seat. "You think Jack will wave at us?"

"He got us the seats so he probably has some idea where we are," Holster said, practically.

"Do you think he'll be able to see us from the ice?" Bitty asked, biting his lip. He was wearing Jack's Falconers jersey and he was practically vibrating with excitement.

"Dude, when we were here last season, this was where your mom was sitting. You found her," Lardo said, leaning over Shitty. "Jack'll find you." Shitty squeezed her hand and she smiled at him.

Bitty flushed. "He'll find us you mean."

Lardo rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure." She shifted back to her seat and Shitty saw the exact moment that Bitty noticed that they were holding hands.

Bitty's eyes grew big. "You're dating? For real? OMG!" Bitty swept Shitty into the biggest hug when he nodded. Shitty was overwhelmed by the smell of piecrust and then leaned back as Bitty let him go and pounced on Lardo. "I'm so happy for you both. You make such a delightful couple."

Shitty grinned. "Yep, we're fucking adorable together. You hear that Lards?" They were really real now. 

Lardo untangled herself from Bitty's enthusiastic hold and grinned at Shitty. "Abso-fucking-lutely, Shits. Abso-fucking-lutely."

The end


End file.
